Poor Mr. Waddles.  This post Valentine’s sale item made its way home to us for the low price of $5 from Safeway last year.  And poor Mr. Waddles probably thought he was going to a good home.  I’m sure as I secured him into the backseat of my Honda Pilot he was imagining a home full of sweet children who would love him and hug him and call him their own.  I’m sure he had pictures in his head of being the guest of honor at endless tea parties.  The protector of children as they slept.  The one who would receive all the  children’s affection.

But……instead he met Aaron.  Our BooBear, who has determined at the ripe old age of 10 that he wants to be a WWE wrestler.  And poor Mr. Waddles, well, he is just the perfect size to play the foe in our little boy’s dream.  Mr. Waddles has been beaten, tossed, body slammed and pinned as I counted “One, Two, Three!” more times than I’m sure he would like to remember (or can remember after so many head injuries).

I don’t know where this love of WWE came from.  John, Mark and I had never watched a single evening of Raw or Smackdown until Aaron became sure of his life’s calling.  He came to this love all on his own.  But being a supportive parent, I have learned the difference between a RKO and a Dirty Deed.  I know who Roman Reigns is and can identify Dean Ambrose.  I have watched both Raw (Monday nights) and Smackdown (Tuesday nights) and purchased the WWE subscription so that Aaron can even watch the specials.

Do I think he is going to turn out to be a professional wrestler?  Probably not.  But what is the harm now?  I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader worse than anything in the world when I was younger.  I had a crush on Danny White and I thought that the cheerleaders had the most glamorous, exciting job in all of Texas.  I did not become a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader…..yet :), but the dream is what is important.  I will support, encourage and praise.  For my ten year old boy, that is my job.  Enough people will tell him how hard it is to reach this dream, how less than 1% of people who want to wrestle make it, how dangerous it is and bad for his body.  I don’t have to be one of those people.  There are plenty.

So poor Mr. Waddles actually has a very noble purpose.  He is the keeper of dreams.  My son’s personal training team.  And he smiles through it all (although I don’t think he breathes). Xxoo

Watching football for the first time this year, I am in the mood for fall.  Now all the summer lovers out there hate this sentiment, I’m sure.  But I love fall.  I know, it gets dark earlier, it gets colder up here in Montana and school is back.  But in the season’s  defense, it gets dark earlier, it gets colder up here in Montana and school is back 🙂

I am not good at loosey-goosey schedules.  I may have mentioned this before.  And as much as I love summer, which I do, I feel the pressure to make EVERY DAY an adventure.  If I’m not on a hike, on a river or in a tent, I feel like I am wasting these precious summer days.  I love doing all of these things, I truly do.  But by the time fall rolls around, I’m tired!  The race and pace of summer begins to wear out its welcome.

Once fall hits, I have to be home earlier at night.  It’s dark out!  I can’t be out there.  I get to hole up in my little house and curl up under a blanket.  I’m not wasting daylight, it’s not daylight!  The evening dark is cool and calm and the lights from my house exude warmth and home.

And as far colder weather, well, I will complain about it in February (I guarantee many, many bitchy posts about being cold in February).  But in the fall I am ready to trade my flip-flops for boots.  I love my jeans and sweaters.  I fold in on myself and cocoon.  And after the rush of summer, cocooning is a welcome change of tempo.

And the kids are back in school.  Does this really need more explanation?  ROUTINE!  Yay!  This is my wheelhouse.  Dinners at home and homework at the dining table.  Bedtimes and breakfasts.  I need it.  I crave it.  I love it.

So, please forgive me sun worshippers.  I know my opinions may not be well received.  But as the race of summer slows to a stroll, I find myself able to catch my breath.  And I smile to myself knowing the folding in is a needed respite.

Tonight I am sitting on the back patio as the last light fades from the sky, talking with the oldest (he’s home!) about politics and life.  I’m loving it.  We do not agree on many fronts and he definitely challenges me on my beliefs, but this is what I have raised him to do.  I want him to come to his own opinions.  Tonight when he challenged me on a point and then went on to say “I researched a lot of these events” it pleased me so.  I’m okay for him to come to his own opinions, but I am thrilled if he has facts and research to back it up.  And, believe me, I will challenge him on any fact I believe not to be legit.

One of my best friends in high school would argue with me all the time about current events and headlines.  And she would ALWAYS spout off facts and figures to me.  So the phrase “Site your source” became one of my favorites.  Even at 17 years old, I would challenge her to site her source.  My son gets no easy A here either.  If he wants to make an argument, he better site his source and it better be legitimate.

These are the times I will always remember.  These are the nights where my boy is transforming into a man.  I want to always hear his voice, I want to always hear his opinion, I want to always know his heart.  And as his laugh lights up the. night, I am smiling and breathing xxoo

Well, it has been a month!  An amazing, transformative month.  I dare say one of the best summer months I have had in years.  And being that it is a milestone of sorts, I thought a look back at previous posts to see how I am progressing in my journey of Growing in the Gap was in order.

In my very first post, https://growinginthegap.com/day-one/, I pondered what would happen if I gave myself time to find my center.  Could I return to that joyful, carefree mom of years gone by?  After a month the jury is still out on that one.  Joyful, yes!  Carefree….ehhhh.  I’m starting to wonder if my carefree days were also slightly careless days.  I was younger, yes, and I think maybe I thought I had all the days I ever wanted in front of me.  Things change and we grow older and with that comes a levity of understanding that days are not unlimited.  So can I go back to carefree totally?  No.   Do I really want to? No.  Knowing that time is limited forces me make my choices carefully, not carelessly, and I don’t think that is a bad direction to be headed.

This also brings me to my post on day three, https://growinginthegap.com/day-three/, where I discussed the fact that all things are finite.  Our time is finite and much of this year will be spent to find things worthy of filling my finite.  Have I done that in this first month?  Oh, I think so.  Camping, kayaking, hiking, loving, laughing, playing, swimming.  I have loved so many days this month.  Filling the finite with joy and with activities and people that fill my soul will continue to be the game plan for the next eleven months, as well.  Of course it’s not all rainbows and butterflies.  I can’t shirk all responsibilities and focus only on myself all year, and I wouldn’t want to.  How boring!  See day seventeen regarding this https://growinginthegap.com/day-seventeen/

Another goal that I identified for the year is living in the moment.  https://growinginthegap.com/day-eleven/  More precisely, not ruining the moment by worrying about the future.  Have I gotten better about that?  Hard to say, I think so. But there is still worry in my life.  Just the other day waiting for my little one to get home from being on the river with a friend, I was overcome with worry.  Now the worry was not going to change anything, the worry was not going to make him safe and all it did was preoccupy me from enjoying a get together with good friends.  So yes, still something to work on, but at least I can now see the cloud building and I hope that I will soon learn to blow back the storm.

And finally, I am working on setting boundaries, https://growinginthegap.com/day-twenty-four/.  This is a newly identified goal (day twenty-four, after all), but an important one to remain focused on.  I don’t think that it would be possible to truly know oneself without know ones boundaries.  So in the process of relearning myself I will also be rediscovering my “Yes, please” but especially my “No, thank you” words.

So, I think that’s it for the day.  One month in and I am truly enjoying the journey.  And so I smile looking forward to the eleven months to come and breathe deeply while I lean into the Gap.

So a funny thing happened in the evening last night.  The forrest fires have been really horrible around Ennis and while we were camping last night there was an emergency evacuation for some subdivisions south of town.  Now we were super far away from this area and there was NO danger that the fires were going to get close to us, but being in that much smoke while tent camping is not the most pleasant thing to do.  So, we packed up our tent last night, threw everything in the truck and headed back up north to Whitefish where the smoke is only moderately horrible.

And in addition to the fires down near Ennis, our beloved Glacier National Park up here in our neck of the woods is burning uncontrollably as I type.  They have evacuated Lake McDonald Lodge and closed the Going to the Sun road from the west side.  It’s heartbreaking to see.  Trying to smile and breathe through the smoke tonight.  I’ll catch up with you all again tomorrow xxoo

Oh you know, just a Sunday walk in the park:

Okay let me back up 🙂 First things first, we had a couple of visitors in our campground this morning:

These two came walking through as we were hitching up the fishing boat to the truck.  They chomped on a few leaves from the trees, licked the bumper of a car and sniffed the tent at the site next to us.  I am so glad the couple sleeping in that little tent stayed asleep because they would have had a huge surprise staring down at them!  The moose made their way down to the river, crossed and disappeared into the bushes on the other side.  I’m sure they had a great moose day.

As for us humans, we wondered down to the restaurant I used to cook at on main street in Ennis and had a breakfast of pancakes and bacon, yes please, all day long :). John met up with one of his friends, another John and we all headed out of Ennis, the boys ready for a day of fishing.  Once we got to the put in and the boat was all squared away, John x 2 and Aaron set off and I set my sights on Yellowstone National Park!  I knew the guys would be on the river for about 5 hours of fishing and I was only 40 minutes away from the Park so, heck yes!  Any day in a National Park is a good day!

Once I got through the entrance gate, I knew I wanted to go to the Old Faithful area.  Now it’s true, this is the most popular spot in the park and it’s true that it is August and there were going to be about 5 gazillion people there, but I was on my way, crowds be damned.  I can’t explain what the draw of Old Faithful is for me.  I have seen it erupt probably 10-15 times and each time I swear, I tear up. I have no idea why.  My kids will tell you that this is not impressive, that I cry at everything.  And that is pretty much true…the olympics, movies, sappy commercials and Old Faithful.

My own personal opinion about this crying phenomenon with a watching water shoot out of a hole in the ground is that I am amazed at the common experience everyone there is having.  I have seen the thing go off before, but for the vast majority of people sitting there watching this is their first time.  And everyone is in awe.  I rarely hear people walking away from the eruption saying “I thought it would be better than that!”.  It is humbling to sit and watch the earth heat water to a point of eruption.  It reminds me of my place, reminds me of my humanity and lets me see a little humanity from a couple of thousand of my closest friends.  And it is hard not to smile watching people lose their breath at the beauty and power of our world.  xxoo