Day Fifty Five!

It happened again!

I missed yesterday…it was 10 o’clock as I was climbing in bed and remembered, the BLOG!!  My computer was upstairs in Mark’s room and that just seemed too far out of reach.  So, my head hit the pillow, my eyes drifted shut and Day Fifty Four! never happened.

But, moving on, working on moving on.  It is now Day Fifty Five! and I’m back in the saddle, computer on lap, fingers tap, tap, tapping away on the keyboard.  I don’t like it when I miss a goal and sometimes (like almost every time) if I miss one day of anything (diet, blogging, exercise) I then give up on it all.  “I was going to walk everyday!  I missed today!  I failed and there is no use going on….” A little over dramatic I know, but me just the same.

But yesterday I missed writing and I have not thrown up my hands in despair and quit for good.  I am moving on.  So what?!  I set a goal I did not realize.  I’m still writing the vast majority of days.  And I have often wondered if I set unrealistic goals so that I can’t achieve them.  I try to lose weight too fast and then when I don’t hit the benchmark, I can let myself off the hook.  I don’t want to really do what I need to do to achieve these goals, but feel the need say I want to work on it. Does this make any sense?  I used to say that I wanted to run a marathon.  But the fact is I don’t want to run a marathon.  I don’t even want to run to the store!  But I want to be the type of person who wants to run a marathon.

But, I never will be.  And that’s okay.  And I will probably miss another day, or ten, during this Gap year, and that’s okay.  Finding myself, finding kindness in myself for myself fills my lungs with breath and my face with a smile.  Xxoo

Day Fifty Three!

Conversation with John tonight:

“I don’t have anything to write about today”

“Write about the fact that you can’t think of anything to write about”

“But I wrote about how I couldn’t write anything yesterday”

“So don’t write tonight”

“But I said I was going to write EVERYDAY”

“Then write that you can’t think of anything to write about”

And so on…..so the draught continues.  Shocking, given the fact that I am usually a very wordy person.  As a matter of fact, my husband once explained to me that he “can’t hear EVERYTHING you say”.  This Gap year is too calming and too relaxing.  I have lulled myself into a nice, comfy, apparently silent spot.

But it will come again.  I will have a break through moment.  A lightning bolt will hit and the words will pour forth in Shakespearian fashion.  Or maybe I’ll just think of a topic.  But for tonight I’m content to put myself to bed, smile and snore and dream of the next great blog.  It’s coming any day now xxoo

Day Fifty-Two!

So in the interest of being real and truthful, I really don’t have much for you tonight.  Call it a bit of writers block….life is sailing along, me in its tide.  Writing everyday means that some days will be prolific, some will not.  And I give myself permission to not be perfect in this great Gap.  Or at least I am attempting to.  So when I brush my teeth tonight I will smile at myself in the mirror and know that my breath will come back xxoo

Day Fifty-One!

Home again, home again, tra-la-la

Ahhhhh…..home.  We got back around noon, washed ourselves and the clothes and rested and relaxed.  I’m looking forward to getting under covers soon and reading myself to sleep.  Fall is falling upon northern Montana and I couldn’t be happier as I smile at the changing leaves and breathe in the cool, clear air xxoo

Day Fifty!

Aaron’s Birthday and a Band

So yesterday was Aaron’s birthday!  My little one turned 11 and celebrated with opening presents and Krispy Kreme.  After the football game Friday night, he had a couple of friends come and sleep over, so it was fun having the extra boys here to celebrate!  We will do an official party in a couple of weeks.  He has been cursed by having a birthday over Labor Day and right at the start of school.  So we usually try to delay the party so that people can get their bearings.

After the other boys got picked up, we packed up and set off for Polebridge, Montana.

A store, a bar and 50 souls

We rented a cabin with several other families.  We have been spending Labor Day together since 2006 and this will be the last one that our older kiddos are able to get to.  I’m sure next year they will all be moving on and into their college lives at this time of year.  So I am really glad that we were able to get away with them with no cell service or Wi-fi!

Playing Risk

We spent the afternoon talking and visiting, setting up tents in the yard for the overflow of people and eating the BEST lasagna I have ever had (wow, Kendra!).  At about 7:30 we headed down to the local bar (only bar) to hear an amazing band named 20 Grand play on the outdoor stage.  We danced, and danced, and…..danced.

20 Grand
Photo by Kellie C.

And attempted to take a selfie!

We tried!

Today was spent again visiting and talking (it never gets old with these folks), amazing pastries from the Mercantile, a trip to the Cold Creek fishing access to play near the water, and an evening playing cards.  My youngest was taught poker today by my husband and the other dads at the saloon in Polebridge.  I told him that will be a story he will be able to tell his grandkids!  Tomorrow we will pack up and head home, but the smiles and laughs (it’s like breathing) will always be xxoo

Day Forty Nine!

Adios again, my friends…it’s Aaron’s 11th birthday and we are headed up the North Fork here in Montana for a Labor Day weekend getaway.  And, of course, there is no service 🙂

Smile and breathe through the weekend and we will catch up Monday night xxoo