It happened again!

I missed yesterday…it was 10 o’clock as I was climbing in bed and remembered, the BLOG!!  My computer was upstairs in Mark’s room and that just seemed too far out of reach.  So, my head hit the pillow, my eyes drifted shut and Day Fifty Four! never happened.

But, moving on, working on moving on.  It is now Day Fifty Five! and I’m back in the saddle, computer on lap, fingers tap, tap, tapping away on the keyboard.  I don’t like it when I miss a goal and sometimes (like almost every time) if I miss one day of anything (diet, blogging, exercise) I then give up on it all.  “I was going to walk everyday!  I missed today!  I failed and there is no use going on….” A little over dramatic I know, but me just the same.

But yesterday I missed writing and I have not thrown up my hands in despair and quit for good.  I am moving on.  So what?!  I set a goal I did not realize.  I’m still writing the vast majority of days.  And I have often wondered if I set unrealistic goals so that I can’t achieve them.  I try to lose weight too fast and then when I don’t hit the benchmark, I can let myself off the hook.  I don’t want to really do what I need to do to achieve these goals, but feel the need say I want to work on it. Does this make any sense?  I used to say that I wanted to run a marathon.  But the fact is I don’t want to run a marathon.  I don’t even want to run to the store!  But I want to be the type of person who wants to run a marathon.

But, I never will be.  And that’s okay.  And I will probably miss another day, or ten, during this Gap year, and that’s okay.  Finding myself, finding kindness in myself for myself fills my lungs with breath and my face with a smile.  Xxoo