Day Forty Four!

In this year of the Gap, there are several character issues that I have with myself which I would like to work on.  One of the best things about having this time is being able to identify these issues, put a name to them and create a plan.

I have already given myself permission to make mistakes, see here:  https://growinginthegap.com/day-twenty-three/

I am also giving myself permission to set boundaries, see here:  https://growinginthegap.com/day-twenty-four/

And tonight I am giving myself permission to not like everyone in the whole, entire, crazy, wide world.  In the past, when someone has been rude, short, mean or nasty to me, I have taken this as a personal defeat.  I have tried to get into their good graces.  I have spent (no exaggeration) HOURS trying to figure out what I did to them and how to make it better.  It has always been my failure, instead of the other person’s shortcomings.

Yet recently, I have noticed that there are just some people who are not happy unless they are actively tearing down others.  It is like they thrive on making a situation uncomfortable.  And, having been raised in the South, this makes absolutely no sense to me at all.  Making someone else feel badly about themselves or nervous in a situation is basically a cardinal sin in Texas.  It’s a lot of smiling and nodding.  A lot of looking interested and asking questions.  A lot of making everything “nice.”

But I am starting to realize that these people who are not happy unless they are making someone else suffer are no different than other animals who lash out.  They are just doing what comes naturally to them— a bee stings, an ant bites and a camel spits.  And I’m not going to take it personally (well, I would probably take the camel spitting on me personally because they seem REALLY smart!).

And even above not taking it personally, I am thoughtfully giving myself permission not to like them.  I don’t have to try to think of a reason for their actions.  And I don’t have to make excuses for their behavior.  I can just stick out my tongue, flip them the bird and move on (in my head of course, I am still a Texan).  And I will smile and breathe knowing that I am choosing the people I need to fill my finite.  xxoo