They came, they ate, they yelled, they left.  We hosted the football team tonight for their “team dinner”.  It is tradition for the team to eat together at a players house the Thursday night before each game.  So, with Mark being a senior, this was our last team dinner for a while.

And it was a good one.  15 pounds of chicken, 6 pounds of queso, 3 pounds of guacamole and 3 apple pies paid the ultimate price.  I got a great big hug from my big kid, then he disappeared into the garage for their meeting and rah-rah ritual.  He flew back through the house to grab his letter jacket and then he was out the door to go to the volleyball game.  Now he is at his girlfriends house helping her with homework.

Tonight reminded me of a scene from “Under the Tuscan Sun”.  The workers who have been laboring on Diane Lane’s home are done and are leaving her.  Even the young Paulo to whom she is closest.  “Even you, Paulo?” she yells after him.  “Maria is waiting!” is his reply.  Yep…..it happens to the best of us.  How can a house be so full and then so empty in such a whisper of a moment?

But in the emptiness (Aaron was at soccer, I’m not just denying his existence) there was also a quiet peace.  John and I cleaned happily together, talked and scrubbed, set the coffee and broke down tables.  I am seeing a life beyond football and Friday nights, soccer and spelling, making beds and making dinner.  And it looks pretty good, too.  I don’t do change well and our lives are going to change.  Going from two kids at home to one I think will be as big a change as going from one kid to two as we did 11 years ago.  I want guarantees about what my life is going to be like and, of course, that is impossible.

So looking into the unknown, I am holding onto these quiet moments, expanding them in my mind and seeing the possibilities.  Turning time over in my imagination and relaxing my grip on control.  Smiling and breathing as I do xxoo