Simple.  I have been thinking of that word a lot today.  I love the word simple.  It is a concept which I seem to strive for in my life.  I want simple days.  I want a simple house.  I treasure simple joys.  But even while striving for simplicity, life can get complex.

It is that time of year.  A time when it feels like everything I will have to do in the entire school year is happening all in seven days.  There are football pictures to order, senior pictures to schedule, school supplies to buy, dentist appointments to attend, parent meetings to sit through, booster kickoffs to cheer at, and so on and so forth.  So I drag out my trusty calendar (the old fashioned paper kind) and I pencil in and cross out and list and log.

As I lean into this Gap year, I am more aware of events and situations that cause me to become uncomfortable or cause me to want to shut down.  In the past, I have always been able to attribute being “tired” or “overwhelmed” to the fact that I was working full time.  I would think that when these cluster bombs of busy times occurred they were too much to take because I was short on time and exhausted from my job.

But now, stripping away that excuse, I find that I am feeling almost the same about trying to get everything done.  I wouldn’t say I’m overwhelmed this year, but I certainly do not feel like I am breezing through this time with zero stress.  So what this is telling me is that this stress, this feeling of pressure, is an internal reaction instead of an external cause.

Aaaaannnnd…good to know, but what do I do with that?!  Learning truths about yourself and your personality is great and all, but does it help anything?  I guess knowing that internal pressure is just a truth of me can give me some relief.  It is apparently just the way I am wired.  But why find out you are wired that way without being able to ease your way out.

I really do not have an answer to that.  But as the days get busier maybe all I can do is simplify where I can.  Eat better, ride my bike, read when I get a moment and get some good restful sleep.  Maybe knowing that I am internally rough on myself will cause me to be externally easy on myself.  Maybe a little balance, breath and smiles are what I need xxoo