I was thinking on my bike ride home from the farmer’s market tonight about what am I going to do tomorrow.  It has been awhile since everyday was not:  get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, fall in bed.  And I was concerned about why anyone would want to read a blog about my Gap.  I am beginning to feel like this whole endeavor is very self serving.  But truly, when a teenager takes a gap year, many people don’t think twice.  I could be wrong, but it seems natural for a younger person to go out into the great unknown and discover the secrets about themselves before they enter the “real word.”  And we older folks are not afforded the same luxury.

So what it boils down to is that I am trying to figure out what the hell I am doing when I tell people I am entering the Gap.  What do I hope to find and how do I hope to find it?  And as I was riding home I remembered a time when I went to a family reunion without my small, immediate family.  My kiddos had been super busy during this time: both in baseball, I was working a ton, my husband was busy and I was always doing what had to be done next.  And when I woke up alone on vacation in a little cabin by myself, I was paralyzed.

I knew that I had six mornings all to myself.  Six mornings where I could go outside and talk to my aunts, uncles and cousins.  Six mornings where I could lay in bed and drink coffee.  Six mornings where I could go for a walk or run.  I did not HAVE to do anything and I had no idea what to do!  I was afraid of using up my six mornings doing something that was not EXACTLY the thing I wanted to do but I had no clue what I wanted to do.

I do the same thing when I get a gift certificate.  If I get a gift certificate from Target for $100, I will walk around the store, put something in my cart, change my mind, because I might not be in love with it, put something else in, decide I liked the first thing better, and stress that I am not spending my $100 in the best possible way.  My $100, my six mornings, they are finite.  They do not go on forever.  I have to make the best possible decisions.

But the fact is, all things are finite.  Every day we should be choosing how we want to spend our time.  Who we want to spend our time with.  And making the best possible decision.

So, my friends, after the lovely, mind-clearing bike ride home I have figured out that this year is about our finite-ness.  It’s my own new word.  And I will be spending my year finding things worthy of filling the finite.  And I’d like your help along the way.  Smile and breathe! xxoo