Talking with a friend tonight at the local brewery, I got to thinking about what goes on with us women as we hit this mid forties age.  It seems to me that many women (not all, simmer down) feel like they are finally in a position to set some boundaries.  Boundaries as to what we are willing to take on.  Boundaries as to what we are willing to take.  Boundaries as to what we are willing to give.

Why does it take us so long as women to set such boundaries.  And I know that I am totally over generalizing here, but looking at my friend set, at what we all seem to be saying at the same time, it seems that there are some commonalities.  One of the first common themes I see is the “I don’t want to” boundary.  Why has it taken half our lives to say, no, I don’t want to _______.

Is it being raised as female that we feel we are to please all the time?  Lord knows that being a people pleaser is absolutely seen as a benefit as a woman.  Don’t make a fuss, don’t be to vocal, don’t cause a scene.  So do we continue to go along with discussions and perform duties that truly give us no pleasure or return just so that we don’t rock the boat?  Just so that we are seen as “pleasing”?

At a certain age, I believe that you began to realize that unless you make yourself heard you could go on until the grave pleasing others and not yourself.  And that is a sad state of affairs.  There is nothing wrong with boundaries.  Knowing yours is part of knowing yourself.  I am just finding mine and recently leaving a dysfunctional situation was my first huge step in saying “It’s not okay that I am feeling this way.  My boundary has been broken.”

It’s okay not to please everyone and it’s okay to have opinions that maybe piss off more than a few.  I think women of our age have just done this people pleasing for so long that when we hit our mid 40s we understand that we only have half your life left to live as you want to live it.  And I have to start pleasing myself at some point.  If I try to be everything to everyone, I have nothing left for myself.  And I am speaking from experience here.  Nothing left.

But tonight, sitting on the back patio with my husband, I will tell you what I have left now.  I have a smile on my face and breath in my lungs and that is all I need for tonight xxoo