Home again, home again, tra-la-la

Ahhhhh…..home.  We got back around noon, washed ourselves and the clothes and rested and relaxed.  I’m looking forward to getting under covers soon and reading myself to sleep.  Fall is falling upon northern Montana and I couldn’t be happier as I smile at the changing leaves and breathe in the cool, clear air xxoo

Aaron’s Birthday and a Band

So yesterday was Aaron’s birthday!  My little one turned 11 and celebrated with opening presents and Krispy Kreme.  After the football game Friday night, he had a couple of friends come and sleep over, so it was fun having the extra boys here to celebrate!  We will do an official party in a couple of weeks.  He has been cursed by having a birthday over Labor Day and right at the start of school.  So we usually try to delay the party so that people can get their bearings.

After the other boys got picked up, we packed up and set off for Polebridge, Montana.

We rented a cabin with several other families.  We have been spending Labor Day together since 2006 and this will be the last one that our older kiddos are able to get to.  I’m sure next year they will all be moving on and into their college lives at this time of year.  So I am really glad that we were able to get away with them with no cell service or Wi-fi!

We spent the afternoon talking and visiting, setting up tents in the yard for the overflow of people and eating the BEST lasagna I have ever had (wow, Kendra!).  At about 7:30 we headed down to the local bar (only bar) to hear an amazing band named 20 Grand play on the outdoor stage.  We danced, and danced, and…..danced.

And attempted to take a selfie!

Today was spent again visiting and talking (it never gets old with these folks), amazing pastries from the Mercantile, a trip to the Cold Creek fishing access to play near the water, and an evening playing cards.  My youngest was taught poker today by my husband and the other dads at the saloon in Polebridge.  I told him that will be a story he will be able to tell his grandkids!  Tomorrow we will pack up and head home, but the smiles and laughs (it’s like breathing) will always be xxoo

Adios again, my friends…it’s Aaron’s 11th birthday and we are headed up the North Fork here in Montana for a Labor Day weekend getaway.  And, of course, there is no service 🙂

Smile and breathe through the weekend and we will catch up Monday night xxoo

Rough night at the football field

Mark’s first home football game was tonight.  We just got back to our house.  The team suffered a loss with a score of 37-2.  It was a tough game to watch.  Mark is splitting the quarterback role with another player and when not under center, he lines up as wide receiver.  He loves football and didn’t play his best tonight, which is so hard for him.  He expects a lot from himself.  I know this is a good characteristic and better than having an “oh well, we lost” attitude.  But as a mom, wow, it hurts to see your kid hurt.

He told me tonight that he never cries after a game until he sees me.  And, when he cries, I cry.  And sometimes Aaron cries.  It’s a whole crying thing.  So this was us tonight.  Crying and caring, hugging and hurting, no smiles and shallow breaths.  But living all the same xxoo

Growing in the Gap…..Living in the Moment

or trying anyway.  One thing you may not know about me, that I have not mentioned before is that I am a breast cancer survivor.  I was diagnosed in March of 2015 with Stage 3A breast cancer.  I underwent a double mastectomy, eight rounds of chemo and twelve weeks of radiation.

One of my friends asked me once whether I was ever going to mention cancer in my blog.  My thought was that I don’t really think of myself as a “cancer survivor”.  I consider it about 3% (maybe) of who I am.  Therefore, I thought maybe I should devote 3% (maybe) of my blog to the issue…which is 3% more than it deserves, fucking son of a bitch.

So anyway, here is one of the 3%ers.  Today my left shoulder is hurting.  Nothing major but a little twinge.  And me being who I am and having been through what I have been through, my first thought and fear is, of course, its a tumor in my shoulder.  Now, I have also recently started doing push ups.  I KNOW that this pain is from starting to work out again.  But, still….still.   This is something I will do for the rest of my life.

I have things to say to myself…..You are looking for pain with no explanation…..You are looking for lumps or bumps…..You are looking for fatigue like you had before you were diagnosed.  These are my touchstones.  My sanity keepers.  But, still….still.  This is something I will do for the rest of my life.

Living in the moment is such a cliche.  It’s a needlepoint pillow, a thought written in chalk at the local coffee shop.  But for me, it is also a reminder.  There were weeks when I did not know how many weeks I would have.  And the needlepoint pillow becomes very pointed.  How am I spending my moments?  How am I living and loving?  How I am going to be remembered?

My shoulder is fine (the other one hurts too, to a lesser degree, what are the odds?) but I will never meet a pain without fear.  But it is also a blessed reminder.  Maybe it won’t be cancer.  Maybe it will be a car wreck tomorrow.  Who knows?  Cliche or not, living in the moment deserves a moment of thought.  All my love tonight with smiles and breaths (and no more cancer talk for a while, 3%) xxoo

PS—sorry for the f word, mom and dad!  Sometimes it’s the only one that fits

Okay, I’ll be honest.  This is the first night that I thought “I really don’t want to post tonight.”  I really don’t have much to say today.  First days of school went well for both boys, I had a great lunch with great friends and then a fun afternoon with more friends 🙂  Snuggled in bed early and about to start reading.  And giving myself permission to not be wordy tonight.  Smile and breathe xxoo

Well, tomorrow is the day….back to school

The oldest is going into his senior year of high school.  Hard to imagine it happened so fast.  This year is going to be a tough one for me.  The end of something special, but the beginning of new life for him.  I know, I know, I still have all year.  But there will be a senior night for football in our near future.  And then a senior night for basketball.  And senior prom.  And senior pictures.  And college applications and growing up, up and away.  It seems like it will be a year to reflect, cry (okay, sob) and then release.  He’s so capable.  Much more than I was at his age.  And I want him to move on, it is what he is supposed to do.  But I just wish he were not so darn lovable!

And then my little BooBear is going into fifth grade.  Middle school!  Wait, what?!  He is supposed to be the baby.  When did this happen?  Unfortunately, a lot of it happened while I had my head down and heels dug in.  But I’m looking up now.  Everything is looking up now.  And I see my little “tween” ready to take on his next adventure.  He is growing up in so many ways.  And I am so glad that I am finally seeing it with rested and fresh eyes.

So, time keeps going, even in the Gap.  There will be good, sad, wonderful, lovely, devastating, emotional, beautiful moments to come.  And I will hopefully still be smiling and breathing after them all xxoo