In this year of the Gap, there are several character issues that I have with myself which I would like to work on.  One of the best things about having this time is being able to identify these issues, put a name to them and create a plan.

I have already given myself permission to make mistakes, see here:  https://growinginthegap.com/day-twenty-three/

I am also giving myself permission to set boundaries, see here:  https://growinginthegap.com/day-twenty-four/

And tonight I am giving myself permission to not like everyone in the whole, entire, crazy, wide world.  In the past, when someone has been rude, short, mean or nasty to me, I have taken this as a personal defeat.  I have tried to get into their good graces.  I have spent (no exaggeration) HOURS trying to figure out what I did to them and how to make it better.  It has always been my failure, instead of the other person’s shortcomings.

Yet recently, I have noticed that there are just some people who are not happy unless they are actively tearing down others.  It is like they thrive on making a situation uncomfortable.  And, having been raised in the South, this makes absolutely no sense to me at all.  Making someone else feel badly about themselves or nervous in a situation is basically a cardinal sin in Texas.  It’s a lot of smiling and nodding.  A lot of looking interested and asking questions.  A lot of making everything “nice.”

But I am starting to realize that these people who are not happy unless they are making someone else suffer are no different than other animals who lash out.  They are just doing what comes naturally to them— a bee stings, an ant bites and a camel spits.  And I’m not going to take it personally (well, I would probably take the camel spitting on me personally because they seem REALLY smart!).

And even above not taking it personally, I am thoughtfully giving myself permission not to like them.  I don’t have to try to think of a reason for their actions.  And I don’t have to make excuses for their behavior.  I can just stick out my tongue, flip them the bird and move on (in my head of course, I am still a Texan).  And I will smile and breathe knowing that I am choosing the people I need to fill my finite.  xxoo

It RAINED today!  I am so happy!  It has been almost two months since we have seen any traceable amount of rain and we desperately needed this shower.

And I am taking my queue from the cozy weather.  I am already cozied up in bed, ready to rest and began again tomorrow.  Today was a quiet day, but tomorrow there is much to do, including finding out Aaron’s teacher for 5th grade and his middle school orientation.

Short post tonight but long breaths and contented smiles xxoo

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened…..

Oh, Dr. Suess, I love you.  And I love this quote.  I was reminded of it today as I was helping pack up a good friend’s house as she begins a new journey.  This afternoon was spent with dear friends who are more like family, wine, stories, laughs and hugs.  Putting someone’s whole life and history into the back of a U-Haul makes you take inventory yourself somehow.

One of the things I realized while cleaning cabinets and talking was that sometimes we do not SEE what is right in front of us.  When we put our heads down and are just getting by ourselves, we are missing gifts and glories that could be received from so many others.  My dear friend who we were packing up today has been here for years, but, as so many things are, was possibly taken for granted by me.  She is a light and a love and to spend time with her is to come away feeling lighter and brighter.  But again, the head down, move forward, self focused place we inhabit sometimes does not allow for the connections we need.  And connections we need indeed.

I am so excited for my friend.  This will be a great move and I know that success and happiness will follow in her wake.  But it is a lesson for me that my life is only partly mine.  My life also belongs to those I chose to share it with.  And I hope to choose wisely.  I have been so blessed, lucky, lightning struck, whatever you chose to call it, with the people inhabiting my circle.  True friends, true love, truth.

So, Paula H., I will be with you in love and in spirit, I will be sending my heart and my hope along with you and I will be smiling for the times we had and breathing for the times to come.  Xxoo

Technically Day Forty Two since it is 1:22 in the morning!  So tired, long day, Mark’s first football game, I’ll catch you all up tomorrow (or technically today).

Smiling and snoring (it’s a type of breathing) xoxo

All good days should start like this:

Include some of this:

Lots of this:

Even a little this:

And deep breaths and widening smiles xxo

Oh today was a good day!  It started with the three mile loop my friend Suzi and I have been doing several times a week this summer.  I am going to miss those walks when school is back in and she heads back to work.  I have really loved our morning walks and talks!  Then I got to have lunch with another amazing woman, JJ, at our local bar, sitting in the sun on the patio.  I’ve missed having time to slow down and discuss matters that really matter these last few years.  I am encouraged and emboldened by these women 🙂

Then it was home to pack up for Zip’s cabin.  Aaron and I were on the road by 2 and pulled into the driveway of Zip’s by 4.  The first thing we noticed when we were unloading  the car was a huge number of butterflies all around the front porch of the cabin.  I have been in butterfly gardens in zoos and such before and this was just about the same.  They were landing on our shirts, our heads, our hands….it was truly magical and totally unexpected (as all good magic is).

After communing with the butterflies for a while, we set up a card table on the front porch and played Uno.  The cabin guests before us left us a beautiful bouquet of fresh wildflowers which we kept on the table near us.  After Uno, we crossed the creek to explore the woods and found a ring of stones in the ground.  What a perfect place to make a fairy garden.  So using plants and sticks we decorated up the little ring and made sure to note it in the cabin guest book so the next occupants could go find it.

We spent the evening working a puzzle and then slid into bed around 11.  There is nothing better than the quiet that comes from leaving “civilization” behind.  True dark at night.  True quiet in the house.  True smiles and true breaths.  Xxoo

Gotta love the Gap!  Today on a whim I decided to see if there were any forest service cabins available for Labor Day weekend.  Usually these need to be reserved at least six months in advance, but I was hoping that perhaps the smoke had scared a few people off of their plans.

I looked up my favorite place to be, Zip’s Cabin by Marias Pass and lo and behold, it was available not for Labor Day, but for tomorrow and Thursday night!!  Incredible :). These cabins are usually impossible to get and there it was waiting for me.  So after thinking about it for about two seconds I went ahead and booked it.  I get to spend the next two nights in one of my favorite spots on earth!

One of my favorite spots on earth with no internet service… so again, I am going dark.  I’ll be back on Friday for a quick catch up and then we are off to see Mark’s first football game of the season.  Smiling and breathing and so flippin’ happy xxoo